Query: What other side effects can spiro have? I had to stop taking it a few months back because I was experiencing the dizziness coupled with numbness and tingling in my extremities. I went back on it recently and discovered that my ability to sleep went from abysmal to nonexistent. I stopped taking it again but I'm not sure if it's helping. Anyone ever heard of spiro making people stressed/depressed/unable to sleep?
Query the second: Anybody know a good cure for horrific insomnia? I can't sleep for more than an hour at a time and that is having some seriously bad consequences. On the vanity tip, I have aged about ten years in the last few weeks (my eyes are surrounded in wrinkles, bags, and the black circles look like black holes on my face). I really need to be able to sleep again. Really.
Overall update:
More familial nonsense is afoot. I had an emotional breakdown because of the not sleeping thing a few days ago. I told my mother that I was becoming concerned for my physical and mental well being and that, when I lay awake at five in the morning, it has not become uncommon for me to consider suicide (a word I loathe using because it screams 'high school drama' like none other). She turned it into an opportunity to remind me how great my life would have been if I wasn't "taking all those fucking pills", "ruining my life", and, just to finish off she exclaimed "you piss me off so much" before storming off and slamming the door in my face.
Can I ask all of you a question? When someone says that they think about killing themselves... is the correct response to yell at them and tell them that their problems are all their own fault? I feel like I must have missed a memo here. I mean I get that there's conflict which leads to frustration and strained relations but, I mean, what ever happened to being a shoulder to cry on? I seem to recall having supportive family and friends and now all I hear is this chant of "be a grown up, you made this bed now lie in it, we have no sympathy for you, you ruined the family/you aren't fun to hang out with anymore" and it's just deafening and there's no escape from it. I lay awake all night and stress about how my life is going nowhere and, when I do get a few minutes of sleep, I have nightmares about being alone and everyone hating me.
I'm slipping backwards. My get a job and move out plan has been scrapped in favor of trying to figure out how to sleep for more than an hour at a stretch. Sleeping shouldn't be this hard. Without sleep I can't do anything. I can't think straight, I can't move, I feel sick all the time, and I'm so miserable I just cry all day. What am I supposed to do? Where's the solution?
Bleak, bleak, bleak. I haven't bothered trying to look like a girl in weeks (I practically had a full on beard before I finally shaved). I stare at my breasts with the knowledge that they don't hurt anymore and that probably means they are done growing. A pair of double A's... swell. I look gaunt, hard, MANLY, and revolting. Years of hormones and my arm muscles are so huge I feel like I should be wearing a shirt that says "Gold's Gym" on the front.
Remember when I was happy at the beginning of this blog? Honestly, I think my inability to sleep is the reason everything else feels so awful. If anyone has any tricks they know of then please, please, PLEASE don't hesitate to share them. I'm beginning to think my sanity may be at stake.
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My problems with spiro and dizziness had to do with taking them on an empty stomach, and (probably) not hydrating enough as well.
Maybe you could get a scrip for some sleeping pills? I once had them prescribed, and they worked like a charm. I'm sure the generic ones would be cheap at Walgreens.
I really, really wish there was something I could do to help! God knows I've been struggling as of late too...if you ever want to chat, its economan12 at yahoo.com
Amanda in San Jose
As soporifics go, I find that Kant's The Critique of Pure Reason is pretty much without equal. I can't read more than five or six pages of it without nodding off.
You might also try certain foreign art movies. Slow ones. Anything by Michelangelo Antonioni, for instance, or Bela Tarr. Suggested titles: L'Notte and Werkmeister Harmonies.
Unfortunately, a big rubber mallet only works in cartoons. Alas.
In all seriousness, you might consider sleeping in a different environment, one where you don't have familial associations. If you have a friend that can put you up for a night or two, you might be able to catch up a little.
However it works out, I hope you feel better soon.
Take care,
Christianne
These are all the sleeping tricks I know of....
1. Remove all caffeine from your diet (no coffee, tea, soda, or chocolate at all).
2. Tire out your muscles by doing a lot of walking in your neighborhood or somewhere new.
3. Take control of your "circadian rhythms"... Intentionally reset your inner clock each day by going outside first thing in the morning. Then later, when you're ready for bed, black out the entire world so there is literally no light in the room at all. If street light or moonlight seeps into the room, get some cardboard from home depot and make a cardboard shield to cover the window. When you wake up in the morning, take down the cardboard and open the curtains as wide as possible so that the light is streaming in. All night long the environment should be exceedingly dark, and then when the sun comes up it should be utterly bright again.
4. Sometimes people lay in bed and watch tv or read or ponder things. Don't do that. Just use the bed for sleeping. However, if laying in bed during the day is a habit you can't break easily, then change the design of the bed using pillows and maybe even a different bedspread. So that during the day it looks like a green couch for instance, and then at night it looks like a differently colored comfy bed.
5. All human beings get habituated to respond to cues from the environment. If you spend a lot of time in your bedroom being emotional and/or worrying, your brain might assume that your bedroom is for worrying rather than for sleeping. So you may need to do two things: (a) leave your bedroom for the majority of the day and (b) change the design of your room to confuse your brain into thinking its no longer the worry place, that its now become the sleeping place.
6. Wear ear plugs when you sleep so that you don't get distracted or awoken by insignificant sounds.
7. Clean your linens weekly, so that the sleeping environment is as clean and comfortable as possible. Also make sure any artwork on the walls is calming and that the room itself is well-ordered and relatively cleaned up and free of debris.
8. Stay awake until it's time to go to sleep (avoid naps).
9. Avoid commercial TV for at least a week, as the advertisements are designed to keep you in a constant state of alertness as if your life depended on buying their product. Watch DVD's instead.
*The only thing that's guaranteed to help a person sleep is #1.
Honestly, I don't think the lack of sleep is causing the problems, I think it's the problems that cause the lack of sleep. If you can cope with some of the stressors in your life, you might find a solution to the insomnia. If not, at least you've resolved a few other issues in the process.
Regarding suicide, I suggest you get help. If you can't afford a therapist, call a suicide hotline or something. Do not rely upon the people in your life to help you through this...it is clear they offer you no sanctuary. Their identities and happiness are entirely too wrapped up in your identity; this is understandable to a degree and you wouldn't be the first trans-person to have an unsupportive family. There are other resources available.
If you want my number, I'll give it to you. I was trained in a related kind of counseling years ago, although frankly, I might be a bit too tough love for you right now.
Renee has helped me greatly. Her "tough love" was oftentimes my best medicine. My probs? Still exist. But the last thing I feel like doing is offing myself. Give her (or me) a call. Support support support. It's out there. We die inside because we feel alone inside.
Tell your doctor that you're having sleep issues. They'll help you.
After you get some rest, you can take things from there.
Things will look up, hon.
And I'm here if you need me.
I am sorry to hear your strugling. Not to excuse the parents reaction but its got to be hard to see their child hurting so much. You mentioned how others, family, friends, etc. reacted to you dont think they are getting some of that too. But they are your parents and probably want to help. Maybe you could take some of the suggested sleep remedies and go to them and ask for help, and that you would really appreciate it. you dont know if it will work but atleast you will be trying to get better, and ask for any solutions they would have. That way they could feel like they are helping to find a solution. Depression is a hard thing for most to deal with, it doesnt have easily readable signs. And it can really distort the way you see reality. Its hard for others to know what to say to help. A solution I would add would be to get a good massage, but I might be biased. I would also add that it may be beneficial to get away from the fantasy stuff for a little while to see if it would help. video games, scifi movies whatever. sometimes it helps me to get a little break from them. Plus sometimes you see them differently when you dont look at it for a while.Atleast get outside and get some sun, not necesarily for color just for vitamin D.who knows you might find another thing you like to do. p.s. Didn't you hear small chests are in now. more energy, less back aches. lots of women look fabulous with streamlined chests. And so do you
I'm with Renee on this one. I think with all you're going through during your waking hours, it's completely understandable that your sleep time is suffering. What to do about it..? Well, there I'm at a loss. But if you find yourself considering anything rash, you've got my number. Use it.
do you have medical insurance? one of the signatures of depression is that it effects sleep (it's even in the clinical definition of depression).
have you seen a psychiatrist about this? i was in a similar situation recently and i couldn't get my job/living situation/friendships in order UNTIL i fixed the depression. the chicken (depression) is causing the problems with the egg, not vice versa like your (sickeningly unsupportive, if i can say so) family is telling you.
if you don't have insurance or enough money, there are usually decent free/cheap places to at least get prescriptions. i was broke and jobless and uninsured and spent $450 on a 30 minute psychiatrist appointment and it was probably the best money i've spent in years.
There's little I can ad to what everyone said. It seems like stress & lack of sleep are a vicious circle. They feed off each other. As far as outside influences go, I notice no one mentioned nutri-sweet (phenylelanine). I knew someone who was sensitive to it. They were exhausted but literally unable to sleep - wiki it for the explanation. It likely has nothing to do with your insomnia, but I wanted to bring it up on the slim chance...
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