Oh, poo. I was feeling alright today, United Water guy, until you came into my life and ruined the day. I mean, I get it, I'm no sweetly perfumed girlie girl but was it really necessary for your salutation to be "Thanks, man"? Was it? Me and my skinny jeans and my clearly visible breasts. Me and my long, curly hair and my cute glasses and my pouty lips. Man? Man!?
I'm so jealous of every other trans girl who visits this site. You all have your nice stories where, even when you aren't trying, people look at you and see a girl. Not me, though. Not once. It's always "Hey, dude" or "Yes, sir". What's it gonna take, huh? A gazillion dollars in plastic surgery? I don't have the money for that, you glorified plumber so, unless you're secretly a billionaire and looking to make a sizable donation to this pathetic looking tranny couldn't you have just lived in my little delusion for the two seconds it would have taken to call me miss or even ma'am? I would have taken ma'am. Ma'am would have been nice.
Totally unrelated: Am I the only one here who has seen Enchanted? Oh, my goodness.... so good! So, so good. And I'm not just saying that because the lead, Amy Addams, happened to appear in a single episode of Buffy, honest. I guess if you're all anti Disney princess you might not like it but, oh, I loved it! It's on tv like constantly so DVR it right away (or, if you don't have a tv, download it for I will accept no excuses). It's on again later tonight and I am totally watching it again. Hopefully the musical goodness of it all will wash the taste of being called a man out of my mouth.
Seriously, the tiniest things send me into harrowing depression these days. I mean I've heard of being a moody bitch but this is just ridiculous!
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12 comments:
Here's some huggsies from California!
I know how hard it is when people get pronouns wrong-I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "look at my effing chest!"
Hang in there!!!
Amanda
aw that sucks. if it makes you feel any better, this morning i took a work shuttle and the driver called me 'miss' (even though i'm not in stealth yet) and another woman on the shuttle got called 'sir' twice, to her horror.
i think a lot of service workers who deal with people all day don't really pay attention to who is who. most natal men/women get this sometimes i'm sure but just brush it off. i have a friend who calls everyone (girls and boys) "dude" but i think i'm the only one who is annoyed by it!
I honestly don't see why people keep 'sir'ring you - from your pics, it appears that it should be obvious what gender you are. But poppy is right - many service workers wear blinders when they work. Also, is it at all possible that he actually said "Thanks, ma'am?" and it just sounded like 'man'?
Enchanted - oh so cute!!! I was a bit disappointed in the low quality animation they used, but I understood why they went that direction. But yeah, great film!
It might on the other hand just be a figure of speech. Maybe he's the kind of guy that only hangs around with guys all the time and picks up his vocabulary accordingly. Just like "guys" seems to be all-inclusive these days.
Anyway, you look a lot like my friend Kristine, and lots of my male friends have confessed what a shame it is that she's lesbian.
Jealousy is the mind-killer.
I almost never get (got?) maam'd when presenting merely andro. If I take off the makeup and bra and floral-print top and go into to work tomorrow, I'd probably get sir'd all over the place again.
And I'm not going to tell you it's not important. Ideally, it'd be nice if we didn't care what other people thought, but if it really wasn't important, we wouldn't have to transition at all. We could be safe and secure in our little heads, knowing that we are what we are whether anyone else recognizes it or not. But that's not how the world works.
You look great from where I sit and I'd do anything to have your stature, but if people are misgendering you, you have to remember it's not your fault. It feels like it is...trust me, I know, it feels like you've failed at the most important thing ever. But transition is long and you've only just begun (not my words BTW...I'm not far enough along to have come up with anything nearly so sage).
Luka has a good point. Myself, I often use guys when addressing a group of female friends.
You're really just as beautiful as the rest of us. You just don't see it when you look at yourself in the mirror. We're all the same way.
I agree with Luka and Julie-Anne. I often say "Hey, you guys" when greeting a group of women. I must admit, I have found myself biting my tongue and not using guys when greeting a group of transwomen - am I being over-cautious? Perhaps.
When I was in college, I always felt a bit peeved when the professor would enter the room filled with male students and me - the only female student - and greet us with "Good morning, guys ... and Liz". I'd much rather have been included in the "guys".
I'm trying to recall the last time someone said "Thanks, man" to me. I'm sure it has happened, especially at work. I don't think it would really register with me. I'd be much more upset with a "sir" than a "man" - my mother was "sir'ed" a few times when I was growing up, and I know she would get upset by that.
I think my point is that it probably has very little to do with your presentation, and much more to do with the speaker's attitude in general. As a geeky Buffy fanatic, I see no reason for you to adopt an ultra-femme appearance in order to minimize similar incidents. For one thing, I don't think that would work. And for another, your presentation is uniquely you and reflects your personality and character. I understand it hurts, especially with everything else going on in your life, but I really don't think it's a good indication of your passing ability.
Have a *hug* anyway!
I loved Enchanted, btw...
And I'm with the rest of the gang (oh, Scoobie gang? A Buffy reference...). I use "guys" and "man" when addressing whomever - or rather, used to before I started becoming very cognizant of how it could be misconstrued with regard to trans folks as we're - myself included - pretty sensitive to such.
I think the worst gender misnomer is "dude" - WTF!!!! Maybe the water guy was a stoner and everyone is just "dude". Really sucks for ones' self-esteem: hey, kick me when I'm down...
Couldn't have been your presentation...sounds like you were looking typically cute (clothing, boobies, etc...).
I got "sir'ed" by a salesgirl at Brookstone recently, while a friend was zoning out in a relaxiciser (?) chair. I haven't been "sir'ed" for over (2) years. Depression ensued. In the true spirit of science, I tried to analyse what it may have been: posture, clothing, who knows? It bummed me out major so we went back to his house and I coloured my hair...out with the bad and in with the good, I guess....
Maybe take a note from one of the biggest dudes out there in movie history. The "dude" from the big lebowski" I think if I remember correctly, he called everyone dude.
Just try to remember all the good comments before you start thinking of the few bad ones. Your a cutie patootie.
You know, I just remembered a funny story. :-)
A few years ago, I went to a place at a food court here in Montreal so I could get something to eat before I met with a group of gay students.
This cool guy worked there. Nice guy. He was obviously an immigrant though because he called everybody sir! (just like Lucy from Charlie Brown) :-D
I know women who call EVERYONE dude. They're not consciously being rude. I just try to write them off as ...erm... Lebowski-esque. I think transgendered folks are naturally more likely to bristle at such expressions, with a 'scuse me? Um, NO. response. But I try to give people the benefit of the doubt & assume that's just them being sloppily casual. Also, because thinking that way keeps me from second-guessing what I might have done to evoke that response. I think there's a little Matthew McConaughey/Keanu Reeves in a lot of folks, so man, dude or guys is probably just a careless expression.
"Sir" on the other hand, utterly ruins my day. :'
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