Thursday, October 2, 2008
no exit
I wish I had better news. Instead of getting better I'm getting more sick and no one knows why. The only thing I was told definitively is that, effective immediately, my hormone therapy is over which means my transition is over. I hope it won't be forever but, for now, I have no choice. I'm too sick to work and I'm too manly to pass without tons of drugs. So here I am; trapped with a willfully ignorant family and a prisoner in my own body. I'm a full time hermit now. Maybe I should start watching The Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune (the whitest show in whitey town), Jeopardy, and Matlock. I hear that's what people do while they wait for death. Unless one of you would be good enough to kill me? I'll give you a bright, shiny nickel...
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13 comments:
Are they thinking it's not (just) Chron's, then?
I'm hoping against hope that there's a change of attitude in your family...
Your transition's not over, or even being put on pause for that matter.
Once you get this thing beat, you'll be even more girly than before! :-)
I wonder if some time at a hospital might not be actually slightly less stressful than time at home, and maybe your medical team could get a better handle on things? Sorry to hear about this unfortunate turn of events. Still sending warm thoughts your way, and waiting for the day when you catch a break and get some good news.
Lily, I've been trying to come up with something startlingly revelatory to blow you away and see you through this crisis. I've really been trying. All I've got for you is this:
Have you seen Britney Spears lately?
I mean, that girl was a mess. At one point the hottest woman on the planet, she devolved into a bloated, bald, tired-looking, has-been. No-one expected her to come back from that. The was too far gone. She was done.
But lately - OMG. The past few weeks the photos of her making the rounds are amazing - it's like she turned the clock back to 2003. It's the mother of all comebacks.
So what is the point of all this?
I totally forget. NO WAIT! No... no I lost it.
Still, you got someone half way around the world thinking about you and hoping you'll be OK, and I'm not doing that based on how feminine you look in photos. I'm doing it because of who you are - the part that hormones and body fat doesn't change. Also on the slight chance that you might actually be Casey Affleck goofing around with false personas online for fun and unexpectedly falling for the cute Australian transwoman who keeps harassing him endearingly. Sure, our relationship might cause issues with some of the more conservative studios but the public will come to love us in time and meanwhile you can focus on those indy projects you've been so keen to do. Just think about it Casey, that's all I'm saying. I know you'll do what your heart tells you you must.
Wait. What? I really have to get a grip on this whole inner world thing.
Lily, please don't despair. It makes me sad. Why would you want to make me sad?
Make that two weirdos on the other side of the world thinking about you.
... except I'm totally not as weird as her. Britney Spears as motivational material? Puh-leeze girl.
It should go without saying that I really hope you start to feel better soon though. Honestly what else is there to say, though?
Oh, except to ask- why the hell hasn't future you brought back a cure? That's what I'd do. This saga needs more time paradox.. es. Er.. paradoxi. Paradoxae?
What Jamie's trying to say in far too many words is she wants you to stop wearing panties.
Seeing how kind and wonderful you are to so many others, I just know that Karma has something in store for you that will take care of these medical problems, though they seem endless at the moment, and you will soon be sharing your "awesomeness" again at full brightness!
Thinking of you...
alan
Hey there,
I'm restricted from more creative, light and uplifting comments by some kind of personal unhappy childhood experiences, unfortunately (though I do have it in me somewhere).
So, what I have to say might not do anything for you, and probably comes off dry and stodgy compared to the others - ? but I want to say it anyway. What I ultimately want to communicate to you is that you are NOT ALONE in your suffering; and I am thinking of you as you go through your own crap and I go through mine(quite different stuff but nonetheless painful).
You are more than all of these rotten circumstances.
Besides, I really dig your sense of humor and hope that it continues to bubble up through all of this crap you're going through, because it can save you.
Forgive my verbosity, I've had almost an *entire* bottle of wine to myself tonight - shouldn't have done that. oh well..
Andrea
hormones don't mean anything... lots of genetic women don't have "normal" hormones and all women lose their hormones eventually.
even if you have an androgynous appearance (and I don't think you do), so what? it sucks, but most women are too fat or too short or have a weird face or have something else "wrong" with them and have to deal with it foreeeever.
bang
i love you, bebe...i'm here if you need me...and as for jeopardy and other such game shows...psh, all i can say is...original NES!
a method used with turntables to create dance beats...
you know the answer...
SCRATCHING.
take that, Beryl, you bespectacled bitch!
it only counts if you do it for real, palisade.
Can I kill you with kindness? Cause I could really use a shiny nickel all mine are a little tarnished, and I am plum out of nickel polish. But unfortunately I am just a selfish bastard cause I want to be able to see your smile again, and peer into the eyes of wonderful woman some more. A bitsy-less world doesn't sound nearly as good as a bitsyful world. If you were just a pretty face do you think we would care much? I will be praying for you. And even if you or none of the other readers believes in that, so what, it makes me feel better and I am a selfish bastard as previously stated. Oh well there goes my shiny nickel.
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